Got another paper through - revise and resubmit! Life, eh? This is the paper I was working on so earnestly this time last year - just to have something to do with my brain/somewhere to go (and it's the reason I got a Bodeleian membership). All those afternoons sitting in the Radcliffe Camera or Duke Humphrey's -because if you have to do work somewhere it may as well be gorgeous - revising this paper. At the time it was hugely important to salvage something from that postdoc. Then I moved on and didn't care as much, and NOW it's been accepted (the reviews were unusually positive, and although there is a metric crap-ton of revisions, upon reflection 99% of them are one person re-wording things. Silly but totally doable!)

This is the paper on attention/motivation and parenting. It's about the neurological and hormonal changes that happen to your brain when you have a kid. Of particular relevance to me at the moment since basically my entire Bangor crew is sprogging this year. Busy frantically crocheting tiny adorable cardigans for Jo's little guy/girl at the moment. After that it's Roxy and then Aonghus and Olga (sent Thandiwe's little girl a blanket a few months ago). Whew. (Jo isn't finding out the sex in advance. I said that to Olga and she said, "But you can always tell from the scan!" No, Olga, only those of you with a Ph.D. in embroyology can tell from the scan! We mere mortals are able to be in total ignorance.)

Anyway, hanging out with Jo as much as possible at the moment, since as much as I know she wants to keep going out after the baby is born, there are those neurobiological brain changes to contend with... so we'll see.


Bank holiday this week - we have a wedding, a trip to London and with any luck a visit to an allotment (Jo has inherited a plot, but she is in a delicate condition and I have squash seeds to plant, so am going to hopefully borrow it for  the next year or so). Still incredibly happy with the flat (even though the hot water has gone again) and working on a million projects. All good...

May Morning

Happy May Morning! Dragged myself out of bed at the crack of dawn and met Delphine down on Cowley for 5.45 to see the singing on Magdalen Bridge at 6am. It was lovely, we got a not-too-shove-y spot, and the light on the tower was just gorgeous. Then we pushed our way across the bridge into town (what is WITH people who try to get bikes across in that kind of crowd?!) and watched some bands and some Morris dancers and some people dressed as trees. Good fun. I made a nerdy May-morning green-and-flowery crocheted scarf and fit right in!  

By 7am we were freezing, so back up Cowley for a nice breakfast and in to work by 8am. Am feeling very virtuous somehow. 

I really like May morning, even though it’s not really that exciting necessarily. I like that it’s been going on for hundreds of years, I like the ancient songs, and the people-watching is beyond compare (combination of hippies and people wearing bits of tree, ordinary Oxfordians who brought their kids and students who stayed out all night drinking). 

The downside is, I think I might be stuck in work late today working on a guide we are doing for Public Health England (due yesterday) so could be a loooooong day…

On the plus side, it’s a Bank Holiday weekend and I get to see Mom & Dad on Sunday! They are stopping by briefly to collect some luggage on their way back through. Wish we had longer, but I imagine they are about ready to go home.

So Del was saying to me the other day, "I am so happy with my life right now. Everything is great... This can't be right. Something terrible must be about to happen." And I have to admit I had the same feeling. What the heck, things NEVER work out this well. Also I have been working on my brain a lot (mostly perceptions, goals, strategies for managing The Anxiety, that sort of thing) and am not used to feeling quite so enlightened.

But don't worry, the universe has righted itself.

I was terrified about the surgery (because I always secretly think I'm going to die on the operating table) but actually it went really well. Super interesting to compare the New Haven/private Yale insurance experience with the NHS, because it was almost exactly the same surgery. For the Yale one, they had me come in for a full health checkup beforehand, and sent me a bunch of post including a giant '80s-illustrated book about What To Do Before Your Surgery. The NHS called me up about five seconds before and asked if I could fill in for someone who had dropped out. They did call me the day before and actually tell me which hospital and which ward, and also what time, so that was helpful... but yeah, not a lot of info.

On the day - the New Haven clinic was pretty posh, nice waiting room for Dad, glassed-in receptionist... I think they even had one of those pod coffee machines (not that I could eat or drink). They took me back to a private area and made me take a pregnancy test, then the incompetent nurse screwed it up and dumped my urine sample, and then I had to be stuck with an IV to give me 45 min of fluids before I could give another one. (NOT FUN).

The NHS - there were four beds, with all the patients just hanging out with whoever brought them in. Nurse was super, though. No preg test - they just asked if you were and left it at that. They let you write down what you wanted to eat after and brought the anesthesiologist, surgeon and about five med students around to say hi (and draw on my leg).

Then I had to wait around for quite a while. If I recall correctly, they put me under in New Haven in the same private area - but at the Nuffield I got to go for a ride all the way upstairs in my bed, pushed by an Australian porter*! So that was pretty cool. The surgeon asked if I was "Mrs or Miss" for my sick note, so I said "Doctor", and he sniffed and wrote Miss**. But the anesthesiologist was great, no messing around and she gave me some anti-emetics so I didn't feel sick after.

In New Haven, I woke up to a nurse shouting and me and sternly telling me I took a really long time to come around. Not so in Oxford, where it was much calmer, and the nurse was super helpful and went and brought me toast and tea and blackcurrant jam. The physio came by eventually and showed me how to crutch, and had me practice walking up and down stairs. Then she gave me a photocopied book of exercises and had me practice them. (New Haven: Six weeks free physio at a super posh gym, with dedicated physiotherapist and handouts and physio bands to take home). 

After a while Del came back, and eventually the surgeon came down to tell me what was up. Bad news though - there was a small additional tear as well as the fragments, AND he saw evidence of degenerative damage. This is what I feared, given the state of Mom's knees. He said he wouldn't advise running or anything involving pounding :( BUT! He did say it might be okay for short periods if I wear super padded shoes. We shall see. Clearly not going anywhere for a while at least.

Anyway, since then have basically been sitting on the couch. I've weaned off the worst of the meds and have been doing my little exercises, so now am able to mostly bend my leg. Crutches are much more awesome than the US ones, but still haven't braved the stairs. Considering working from home tomorrow since I feel kinda guilty (although the surgeon gave me a note for THREE WEEKS off so really, it should be fine).

Can't wait to be up and running again, though. So to speak.


* Heard about his potential weekend BBQ.

** Surgeons here go by "Mr" for some reason, so maybe he was jealous.

more surgery

It's been a difficult week, medically speaking. Del could barely get out of bed on Monday (he works with a large number of those disease vectors known as parents) and was off Tuesday as well. They let him work from home on Wed so as not to re-spread the germs. I thought I had avoided it - felt a bit off on Monday but was fine the other days - but woke up exhausted and headachy and very ill today. Bah. I stayed home and hopefully will be fine tomorrow.

Meanwhile, my supervisor's wife has been very ill and he has barely been in the lab, and one of our collaborators has had to go home to Finland (?) as she's caught pneumonia.

Then today, while swooning on the couch feeling sorry for myself, the Nuffield Orthopaedic hospital called to say there'd been a cancellation, and could I come in for surgery on Saturday! Yikes! This is very similar to how they booked my MRI - the consultant said he put me on the list, then I suddenly got a call on a Saturday morning at 8am asking if I could come in for a 10am slot. Efficient but not big on notice, has been my NHS experience. I can only compare this to the American experience, which involved being sent a lot of letters about exactly what needed to be done, where to be, what to have on hand etc, and then given a full medical examination before they'd touch my knee. However, this is just an arthroscopic surgery to fish out a fragment (of cartilage, I assume) that either didn't get picked up in the first surgery or broke off later. So maybe it's less major. The doc thinks the fragment is causing my symptoms (knee locking up, soreness, knee feeling like it's twisting the wrong direction) so hopefully this will sort it all out once again.

Anyway, no idea what to expect but the receptionist says someone will call tomorrow and hopefully tell me what to expect. Luckily I now have a permanent Del, so no need to get anyone to fly out and take care of me!

trying to let it flow...

Sad week, as Auntie Barb has died. Makes me miss Grandma as well. Really need to sort out a card to send to Yellowknife, since I obviously can't attend the funeral...

In other news, my non-resolution is going pretty well. I have made some changes based on minimising annoyingness and things I have to force myself to do. First among these is the gym. Del got me a membership last year, but it's downtown, so an annoying bus ride both ways. It also involves collecting a large number of important things into a bag (lock, towel, shoes etc), all of which I will be annoyed if I forget. This wreaks havoc on my poor ADHD brain. Then when I get there, it's full of horrible grunty men who throw their weights on the floor. Takes a while to shower and change, so what with everything, if I leave at 7.30 I barely get back by bedtime.

So I thought about how to make this better, and the upshot is I stopped by SweatShop (yup, that's the name) a couple of weeks ago and got some nice spongy New Balance shoes. It was hilarious because they got me to run on a treadmill, in my dress and borrowed sneakers, to check my gait and running style (they film it). Anyway, ever since then I've been running every other night or so. I've got a 2.5 mile route (out to Hollow Way and back) that mostly goes on a bike path so I don't have to puff my way past too many other people. It goes right past a fox den, so I usually see Mr Fox and sometimes Mrs Fox as well. AND I saw a badger**! (pretty sure anyway). I haven't actually managed to run the whole thing, but I figure a run/walk combo is better than nothing, and then I stretch at the end. This is only possible due to Oxford's ridiculously warm/snow-free winters*. The only thing I am worried about is my knee, but had the MRI a couple of weeks ago and no word yet, and running doesn't seem to be hurting it, so am going with it.

The sewing project is going very slowly. I've got a muslin cut out of an old sheet, but am having an impossible time working out how to do the pleats. Thinking about giving in and taking a class - 100 quid, just down the road, 10 sessions April-July. However, will see if I can at least do the skirt by myself before then and maybe do a dress in the class.

 The annoyingness of mornings has been cut down somewhat - I finally got a chest of drawers! After the epic furniture hunt last year, I thought I should leave it for a while, and then every likely contender on Gumtree was snatched up before I got there for more than a month. I am pretty certain there is someone out there buying the cheap-but-made-of-actual-wood stuff, painting it Annie Sloan Gray or whatever the hell, and then selling it again on Gumtree for three times the price. Anyway. Finally got one, which unfortunately was 45 min away in Kingston Lisle, but Del kindly drove me last night. It belonged to an awesome old couple and the wife was so sweet and conversational - one gets the impression there aren't many people for her to talk to in Kingston Lisle. So yeah - no more underwear in boxes! Hoorah!

Everything else continues more or less as usual, but the longer days are making me much happier. Pretty sure the extra time outside isn't hurting either.

* and on the cold days, I luckily have a set of fingerless gloves Christine made me!

** apparently badgers and foxes sometimes share different ends of the same tunnels - although the badgers are much cleaner and even have their own latrine outside the den!

Ha, just read an awesome article that encapsulates what I'm trying to do here. Work WITH my off-kilter brain, instead of against it. And try to minimise stress/beating myself up. I love coming up with ideas and get a huge dopamine hit from idea generation, but then get annoyed at myself when I haven't finished most of my thousand new projects by the time I think I should. But really, better to wait until I'm feeling it (for anything that doesn't actually have a deadline attached) because everything flows so much better at that point. Otherwise, it's all anxiety, all the time.

Luckily for me, work is pretty conducive to that - in fact it's perfect for me. Big list of projects, just have to get them done as I can. I set my own milestones and my supervisor always seems pleasantly surprised when I turn up with something finished. Just submitted a commentary to the Lancet Psychiatry which it seems they will be happy to publish (!) which was entirely written by me with minor input from a million other authors...

But yeah, have to remember it's okay if some things sit on the back burner for a while - especially home/side projects - as long as the general momentum is in a forward direction.

Luckily Del is very helpful for anxiety-quelling purposes, so I think I'm doing better this year than usual.

Not much going on, really. Bit of a January/February hibernation. Super tiring week - went on a very useful course on Qualitative Research on Thurs and Fri, since I'm supposed to be writing a qualitative paper. Or rather, my supervisor thinks one, I am thinking at least five! He sort of panicked for the two days I was out of the office, though, so am thinking most of this week will be dedicated to catch-up and annoying admin.

Other than that, everyone has suddenly turned up pregnant (seemingly at least half my friends from my Masters), so have brought in a large supply of washable yarn, rolled up my sleeves and started on the baby gifts. Have some great ideas for fun things to make and thinking about the Etsy shop idea again, but maybe best to just wait and see how it goes. Also have a backlog of presents in progress (sorry Grandma!) but everything is moving along, although perhaps more slowly than I would like.

Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of fleeing Yale and arriving in Oxford. In retrospect I really should have given myself more time. However, all worked out WAY better than I ever could have dreamed, so all's well and all that. Think Del and I are going to do a pilgrimage to Dover next weekend, as a joint anniversary trip/in memory of Auntie Barb sort of thing. She wanted "The White Cliffs of Dover" on the wedding playlist since she couldn't be there.

Fluency

Okay, so January is almost over and I totally meant to write this down earlier. However, better late than never. 

It seems that there is a bit of a trend of picking a sort of theme word for the year in January. Kind of like a lazy person's New Years resolution, I suppose. So I thought I would try it - pick one word to aim for in 2015. 

I went with Fluency. In the cognitive literature, perceptual fluency refers to things that are easy for the brain to process, usually because they are familiar or something you've seen before. Items that have a high level of perceptual fluency are rated as more pleasant, probably because your brain has to work less hard to process them. (This is why seeing something over and over makes you like it more - it also works for pop songs, sadly - in something called the mere exposure effect. Merely being exposed to something multiple times increases how much you say you like it). 

Anyway, I would like to have more fluency in my life. To me, this means quitting things that are a huge struggle, even if I think I should do them. There's a line here, obviously - what I'm aiming for is flow (defined [on Wikipedia, I'm afraid] as the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a  feeling of energized focus, full involvement and enjoyment in the process of the activity ). Basically, activities should be just hard enough to be a challenge but not so hard they are frustrating. I think I spent my entire postdoc on the "frustrating" side of that line. This year, I want to learn new things but things that work with my natural leanings and skillset. Happily, so far qualitative research (unexpectedly!) seems to fit this template. (Writing a qualitative paper is like putting together a really interesting jigsaw puzzle). 

I also want to learn some new skills, but I want to figure out how to work with my natural inclinations to make it enjoyable. Crochet is like this for me, especially either challenging patterns or making up my own. Sort of hard at first, but eventually you become fluent and then it's fun. I also want to learn to make my own dresses (gonna start with a skirt, though!) This is going to be a HUGE challenge for me to do right. For one thing, the entire idea of doing the whole thing in muslin form first is anathema. SERIOUSLY?! The full amount of work for a fake version of what you're trying to make?! (This is also why I almost never do a gauge in crochet). I might try doing one muslin though - because although it is deeply annoying, it will make the actual skirt-making much more fluent. Presumably. 

So yeah. Stick with things (as much as possible) that work with my brain instead of against it. Learn some challenging things but try to set myself up for later fluency. Develop my skills so that I can more easily get into a flow state AND create cool things. And sort out my environment so that it is not always throwing up barriers to fluency (e.g., unable to find anything or tripping over stuff). We will see how it goes, but if all goes well it could be a fun year!

Bye, 2014. It's been interesting!

So, 2014, eh? Epic year… it seems to have lasted at least three years. This year I did a lot of things:

- quit my postdoc at Yale
- got a visa (with accompanying huge pile of paperwork)
- moved from America to Oxford
- got married
- hung around in a shared house, unemployed and writing random papers to keep myself busy
- went to a bunch of very unpleasant job interviews
- started a container garden
- volunteered to garden/clean up the churchyard at St Mary's & St John's
- attended Oxford May Day for the first time
- went to Tim and Courtney's wedding and visited Edmonton and Regina
- dealt with unexpected double unemployment while still being supported by Del when his job fell through
- got a job! in a totally different field - but hey, Oxford uni
- up close to Stonehenge for the solstice!
- watched Del totally rock HIS interview and get an awesome job, for which they started sending him on business trips about two seconds after hiring him
- went to Greece (first ever all-inclusive)
- took up Kendo
- moved out of shared house to awesome apartment - sight unseen, because Del picked it
- bought furniture!
- crocheted a garment that actually looks good
- learned how to make databases - super fun! - and started learning Stata
- wrote a bunch of guides for the general public about self-harm in young people, and started to learn qualitative research
- flying visit home for Christmas to see all my awesome Albertans

So yeah, busy year. BUSY. But all positive things - in pretty much every single area of my life, things are a million miles better than this time last year. Some of it is perhaps not exactly what I would have ideally picked, but everything's an opportunity, I guess. That said, I am totally exhausted. The whole thing has been a huge rollercoaster.

Last night was NYE, obviously - had a quiet one this year. Aonghus and Olga threw a dinner party for which we made both cheesecake and a cherry chocolate pud - just in case one didn't work. Luckily, they both did! Watched Jools Holland for the first time, so now I know what everyone is talking about. However, it really didn't help my jet lag - for some reason we both had horrific jet lag this time around, and we both stayed up till all hours (4am for me, no idea when Del went to bed - he slept on the couch so as not to disturb me) which probably won't help me get back on track.

Had a lovely time in Alberta for Christmas, though. We went to a trampolining party organized by Steph at a new trampoline park in Edmonton - great fun - attended Carol Feast, had dinner at the restaurant at the Art Gallery, went to hang out with Steve at Bohemia, saw Candy Cane Lane (first time!) and went to the last Von Hollen Light display. Unfortunately the trips both over and back were difficult - HATE Air Transat. I know I always say never again, but - NEVER AGAIN! We were super late on the way over, meaning we missed our Red Arrow up to Edm, AND they somehow managed to slice a set of holes in Del's luggage. So what with hanging out in the Calgary airport for an extra four hours, we were on the road for more than 24 hours. On the plus side, we got to watch a singing group learn a line dance to Jingle Bells! Only in Calgary.

I caught up with millions of people while in the province and finally saw Paul and Lana' s house (lovely!) Had a great time in Rock City as well - amazing Christmas with the fam as always. Sad to leave and deeply wishing we had booked a longer visit. Ah well... hopefully will see more of people in 2015!

Presenting: The Flat!

Man, I don't know how I lucked into this suddenly, but have managed to get a decent job at an excellent department (that pays money! not just postdoc pennies), in a gorgeous city that I love as well as a nice flat that is free of housemates and shared only with a lovely spouse. (Who does the dishes when asked). Gonna enjoy it while I got it, is all I have to say.

Snuck home during lunch to take a few pics of the flat - gets dark before I even get to poke my nose out otherwise. The buildings are kind of horrible and '70s on the outside, but the windows are huge so it's full of light. Also, we look out on forest on one side (the edge of a golf course, I believe) and a playing field belonging to one of the colleges on the other, so nothing but green as far as the eye can see. (The only downside is people playing football or cricket at stupid o'clock on Saturday mornings and shouting). It is SO NICE to have trees to look out at, and a bit of a view.

Main room - kitchen is off to left

View from kitchen

Kitchen

Door leads to hallway/bedrooms/loo

Bookshelf with steampunk art by Melissa!

The couch is in a sort of window alcove (with horrible curtains that came with the place)

loo

Small bedroom, currently full of boxes still

Main bedroom

Every single bit of furniture had to be hauled up the tiny narrow staircase - we're on the 3rd (2nd UK) floor. Most of it we bought off Gumtree or Preloved (Craigslist equivalents), include our awesome purple couch/chairs. So excited to have some things made of wood, and not just endless IKEA MDF.

Anyway, there's a hidden futon in the small room, which will someday be a guest room - so guests welcome!

There is still lots (LOTS) to be done, but I feel like it finally feels like actual rooms people live in. Just have to decide how far to risk the deposit to get some things up on the walls!

Honeymoon!

Just got back from our trip to Greece. Since what I did right after the wedding was go badgering around Cornwall with Mom, Dad and Jude, while Del went back to work - we decided it would be good to try and get away together at some point. Did not expect it to take this long. However, better eight months late than never.

Basically, we wanted to wait till I was working to cough up the money for a holiday, but then Del ended up unemployed, so we didn't feel like we should be spending extravagantly. Then he got his awesome new job (early reports suggest everyone thinks he is doing GREAT, no surprise) but they wanted him to start work within three days, and then immediately sent him to Rhode Island to a conference/giant meeting on Day 2 of the new job. In return for all that, they agreed to let him take off for a honeymoon within the first month or so of the new gig. 

But my job also involves a bunch of kind-of-important networking-type things that fall at annoying intervals. So as it happens, we managed to squeeze in a week between a work conference and the launch of our health-related website for holiday purposes. I was at the conference all day, got home around 6, went to bed around 10pm and got up at 2.30am to head to the airport.

We ended up just picking any old all-inclusive holiday package that flew on dates that worked for us, given the constraints. I didn't feel like I cared too much, as long as it was somewhere I hadn't been, with a beach and NO HOUSEMATES. So we ended up in Greece, near Olympia. Oh man, was it nice. Being September the weather was perfect for us (not too hot) and the beach was nice and the SEA! So warm and lovely and the most indescribable shades of turquoise shading to dark blue. We basically spent the week eating (all-inclusive!) and lying around reading on the beach while going for the occasional swim. Just what was needed.

Of course, being me I couldn't just have a relaxing holiday and started getting a sore throat towards the end of the conference the day before we left. Yep, giant illness, right in time for vacation. On the plus side there wasn't much to do but relax. On the minus side, the hotel room did NOT have a kettle and said they couldn't give us one, because they only had a few and all the other English people had taken them! So no Lemsip for me - had to suffer through un-drugged. It turned into some sort of wheezy chest-infection type thing (or maybe that was allergies) but has now downgraded itself to a sniffle/sneezing/blocked nose sort of thing.

We did one excursion, to Olympia of course. SO COOL. We debated paying the inflated tour company prices, but worth it in the end as the tour guide was amazing. Curvy Greek lady with long curly dark hair called Helen (or Eleni, it said on her badge) - throw a toga on her and she could have been watching the original Olympics and fit right in. Really glad we got to see one bit of culture, anyway - and re-learn the difference between Doric, Ionic and Corinthian pillars - and also see a bit of the non-resort countryside. We had a fair amount of time to poke around the site, which was great - but sadly barely any time in the museum to see the artifacts and statues. Slightly disappointing.

We also went parasailing!!! Had I thought of it earlier, this would have been a life goal of mine. Basically it was a big rainbow parachute attached to a rope which was attached to a speedboat - they hook you up to a harness, then you just sort of gently float up into the sky as the boat roars away. I LOVED it. It was incredibly quiet up there, and you could see for miles. Didn't feel scary at all. So two thumbs up to Del for thinking of that one.

Tomorrow we go to Cardiff to hang with Del's friend Naomi, who is also putting us up and has promised a small cocktail party tomorrow night. Del and Naomi (who is an amazing artist) are going to a graffiti workshop on Saturday (I will explore Cardiff, I guess) and we will come back Sunday. I am delighted with all this activity. It's been a bit stagnant lately - have not been that motivated with work since it seems I may struggle to get my own projects to work on, and we have both felt tired all the time and not been doing much outside of work. Also, we move to our flat (!!!!) October 15 so there has been lots of packing and moving things to storage ahead of the move. I am hoping things will move faster now, and maybe the inertia that generates will give me enough forward momentum to do something about the work situation*.

Anyway, we are both exhausted so off to bed soon, I think. Vacation is great but tiny crowded budget flights with no entertainment or food are not... happy enough to be home!


*(It's not SO bad, but I really need more to do)

Summertime

Oh man, summer in the city. It is SO hot out. Well, it feels it anyway - it's only +30 but super hot, humid and sticky. Blah. Turns out the side of the "Suicide Wing" that my office is in doesn't have any air conditioning. A tiny fan stuck in the window is really not cutting it.

That said, it is a job I am very happy to have and it seems to be going well so far. I am still getting used to being in charge (!) - well, obviously my supervisor is in charge overall, but I have my little pile of things to do and no one else is poking their noses in so far. The new person has started - she is from Israel - and seems pretty good although keeps asking me what she should be doing, and I have no idea. But it is so nice to do something that people will actually use (mostly doing translational stuff at the moment) and to be able to do something and not have someone come along and change everything on me. Although I suppose there is still time.

In other very, very, very exciting news - we might have a flat! I have to say, Del being home is hugely helpful in terms of getting stuff done. He has taken charge of the house-hunt and despite the near-impossibility of finding something at a reasonable price in Oxford, he managed to get appointments to see two places. I could only come along to one (it was after work) and quite liked it - very near work, lovely big yard and cute little house. However, it was kind of cramped and dark.

Del took a video of the other one, which was a flat and didn't (obviously) have any outdoor space. He LOVED it and said it had huge windows and a great view. I'm a little nervous to move somewhere I haven't seen myself, but Del has good taste so should be all good. The huge pluses about the flat include a second bedroom (!) and a cheaper price. It's also super close to work but also closer to Cowley Road, giving good access to town on the bus. And hey - spare bedroom! I've always wanted one. Come visit us!!

So yeah, just doing the paperwork on the flat (I have no history of renting here and Del has no job, so possibly awkward) and then I guess we tell the housemates. Sadly, we can't move till October, but at least it means I have my garden for the summer. After that, I guess it's window boxes. Fingers deeply crossed it all works out.

Anyway, off to an impromptu BBQ... man my life has gotten so much better. Good riddance Guelph, don't miss ya New Haven!

JOB!!!!!

Yeah, so the big news of the month is – I HAVE A JOB!!! In a nice bit of Oxford University, which is a height I never thought I’d scale. Mind you, it’s not a super academic one – strictly research support – but I’d rather be an a good place getting to know people than in a less good place where research output is just as uncertain but opportunities are probably decreased. My CV is quite hilarious, veering as it does between wildly different research areas and going from Guelph (which no one has heard of) straight to the Ivy League and then Oxbridge. Bizarre. 

Anyway, yes, first week is over and it has been horrifically exhausting, but great to have somewhere to be, a very exciting staff ID that gets me in places (free Bodleian access!!) and a potentially interesting set of projects to work on. It’s partly data analysis (they mostly do large-scale stuff scraped from GP offices and national statistics registries – no experiments) and partly translational work, developing resources around self-harm for parents, carers and clinicians. I really like the idea of writing something so useful. 

New lab group seems really great, although the PI is the most old-school person I have ever seen. I literally watched him stop a meeting, pull out a Dictaphone, and dictate an email to be transcribed later by his PA. “Dear John comma please find attached the following colon space one full stop a list of our recent publications full stop next line two”… it was amazing. Especially as later in the meeting we all crowded round my predecessor, who had come in to show me the ropes, and she typed an email there and then AND sent it – so we all know the technology exists! Ah well. It seems that a lot of my job will consist of things like printing off the Powerpoint slides for each talk he gives – in duplicate – so he can have a hard copy (?) and there is a separate copy filed at the lab with a paper index which must be added to and updated each time a new talk is given. 

Yeah. 

However, things looking up etc. Del’s case is more complicated. Now that all the papers are signed and the lawyers dismissed, I suppose I can say that he finds himself unemployed, not due to any issues with his work performance, and with a nice settlement to show for the latter fact. He’s having more trouble than usual (usual = about a week) getting a job now that we’re stuck in Oxford due to me (AND MY JOB!!!!) People in Germany and the Isle of Wight are champing at the bit to hire him, but we had a deal: first person to get a job wins the right to decide where we live. So that is that. 

We do, however, need to move soon. Shared living is doing my head in. Housemate who has been driving me mad is moving out this week (most recently: declaring we should have a celebratory garden party, then creating a huge mess in the kitchen, blocking the sink and disappearing for the four days prior to said party. Meanwhile, other housemates clean kitchen, unblock sink, clean house, tidy yard, scrub two BBQ grills, prepare food and drink etc for party. MIA housemate reappears five minutes before guests arrive to make one salad and scamper out to be the life of the party. Yeah.) So things will probably get better, and in fact it drives me less crazy now that I’m gone the majority of the day. I hated spending half a day cleaning since I felt compelled to, as Dr. Housewife, while housemate was ALSO home and spent time mostly coming along behind me and muddying freshly-washed floors. However, now Del is Mr. Househusband and it is his problem. He’s been very good – scrubbing showers and wiping counters and having my cup of tea and dinner ready upon return home. A girl could get used to this kind of thing. I actually think he could make a go of doing his own thing, but that will take time, networking and developing a couple of extra skills... guess we'll see!

Anyway, with one person working and both of us living cheap, all will be well. (Although I do have a one-year probationary period! bizarre).

Up and Down and Round and Round We Go

well. I was just sort of getting used to all the new things (new country, new unemployment, new spouse) when everything looks to be changing again, big-time. No idea how this will all pan out or where we'll end up - although I suppose that is nothing new really. On the plus side, this time I have a companion in uncertainty and a little bit of a nest egg set aside (!)

So yeah, it's been a rough week. I had a tough interview on Tuesday at Oxford. Two mini-talks and LOTS of tough questions. It went relatively well, but I found out after that I had a touch of a flu-like substance (stomach problems and fever). I had it on Sunday and Monday as well, but had chalked it up to nerves/anxiety about the interview. Anyway, it made answering the tough questions - even tougher. Still, they had me critique their grant and (by the looks on their faces) I DEFINITELY came up with a few points they hadn't thought of, even though I didn't have any substantial critiques - it was more adding/checking measures and more practical questions about actually running it.

Anyway. It's all about resilience, I guess. I think doing so much travelling and trying new things in the last fifteen years, although it is not a recipe for a settled life and money in the bank, has definitely given me the ability to take largish life changes more or less in stride.

I did, however, get my biometics and working papers back - and more importantly MY PASSPORT. Trip to Alberta has been booked May 17-June 4, with the end of that in Regina, because my friends are Westjetting me there so wasn't going to turn it down! Never been to Regina, so should be interesting. Looking forward to seeing everyone at Tim's wedding.

In other news, I have been busily planting an extensive container garden in the back of the house. There's quite a bit of yard available, including a patch that used to be a flower bed anyway (which now inconveniently has a cat buried in it so I would feel weird planting my veg there). Besides which, if we have to up and move I don't want to leave my garden! So the plan at the moment is to keep it more or less portable, except for one sunburst squash plant because those tend to go mad, and even if it grew well in a pot I don't think it would be very easy to move. I also planted a bunch of carrot troughs, and a herb Rubbermaid (working with what I've got available here!) plus a bunch of lettuce and rocket (arugula) and spinach for salads. I've improvised a mini-greenhouse with plastic sheeting I found in the shed and it all looks great so far.

Been continuing to help out at the churchyard and got some great photos at the beginning of April that I keep meaning to post. I really need to go back and take some more now that everything's starting to bloom. The butterfly garden (wildflowers etc) is starting to look really great. When I showed up a couple of weeks ago, one of the Ruths (for some reason most people involved with this project are called Ruth) cleared her throat in a very businesslike manner and barked, "Right! Everyone grab a spade: today we are digging up graves."

There was a long pause until I realised that we were only excavating the top layer, not the full six feet, as it were.

It appears as though there was a bit of a fad for putting a stone mini-fence around one's final resting place, circa 1898-1926 or so. There will usually be the gravestone proper on one end, with a small stone wall about three inches wide and maybe six inches tall around the remaining perimeter of the grave. Most of this time this wall is inscribed with the name of the dearly beloved and maybe a nice scripture verse (most faded by this point). Anyway, the point is that they look exactly like raised garden beds and function very well as such. As it's the centenary of the start of the First World War, the church committee decided to scrape the weeds out of a bunch of these that no longer have families around and plant poppies (both red and white). They got some cheap topsoil from somewhere and we have been busily scraping out, filling and planting these most macabre of raised beds.

Here are some photos of the blackbird in the toolshed (since gently convinced to move her nest up away from the rakes) and the churchyard from WAY back when:

 I love her cute little beady eyes and nest carefully constructed on tops of the rakes and brooms.

 

Didn't even have to use the zoom - she's cool with humans (the gardening type anyway) and let us get as close as we wanted. 

 Had more photos of my fave gravestones but must have deleted them before downloading. Whoops. But you get the idea...

Life is Totally Different Now!

Well, everybody is sick. Illness pervades the house. I was totally out of commission for two days this week and have been left coughing up disgusting stuff, and poor Del came home from work last night and collapsed in a pile of fever. Madeleine has been running up and down the stairs making hacking noises. Only Nicole has escaped (and am sort of avoiding her in hopes that it stays that way).

Have been meaning to blog for more than a month now, but the more I don't the more the pressure mounts and the harder it is. Luckily my cyberspace frenemy is whining again, which always makes me think a). jeez, at least I'm DOING stuff and b). if she can moan about everything online then I should probably at least update.

So yeah. How's married life you say? Well, it feels a lot like being plunged back into housematehood. I really REALLY liked living alone, and this place is tiny and full (the girls have vibrant social lives and people stay over a lot), so it's a bit hard to get used to again. The Del part is great but he's 1/3 of the housemates, if you see what I mean. But even though he works a ton (gets home about 8pm, usually) it is SO AMAZING to not have to work out Skype times and not have an imminent departure date. More Del time is always a good thing. Doesn't feel much like being married though (except that I already misplaced my ring once).

So what have I been up to? In a way it feels like it should be more, but I've been keeping busy.

1). applied for spousal visa - that took a week and a half of filling forms and locating documents and agonizing. Two weeks later the Home Office sent me a letter saying "we've sent your application to the people who take care of it. Don't bug us, don't phone us, don't contact us in any way if you ever want to see your passport again". So yeah. The waiting begins. They have mine AND Del's so we can't go anywhere (honeymoon? HAH) and, it turns out, we also can't open an ISA (tax-shelter equivalent of an RRSP) without them. So annoying - hurry up Home Office.

2). Applied for a million jobs. Okay, probably about ten. I had an interview on Monday though (for two of them) which I thought went pretty well, but didn't get the job. Was annoyed because I could do an awesome job, but I guess they were either looking for something else, or for someone whose proof-of-eligibility-to-work wasn't stuck at the Home Office for the foreseeable. (Whoops).

3). Applied for a grant for postdoc funding with my friend in Saskatchewan. We CANNOT move to Saskatchewan (it's not a hub of video game activity, how odd) but he promised we could work something out if I managed to snag it. Not holding out hope but it keeps me busy and in grant-writing practice, so…

4). Starting volunteering at the Victorian churchyard-turned-wildlife-sanctuary down the road. I LOVE this place. We get together Wednesday mornings and cut brambles off old graves. More about that later.

5). Almost (so close I can almost feel it!) submitted a paper. It's for one of those Very Special Research Topics - this one is on the Uncanny Valley, and this poor neglected paper has been sitting around for YEARS - Tyler and I collected the data in my final year of Ph.D., 2012, and I had it written and ready to go by June 2013. Supervisor never got around to looking at it and so it languished - till now, when Tyler spotted this special edition and did a little pushing. It's written and ready to go - am just struggling with annoying formatting issues and something about the abstract that doesn't sound quite right. Will give it another look today and try to get it out by the end of the weekend.

6). Working on two other papers, one review paper with Helena which keeps falling down the pile when deadlines come up, and one paper from my postdoc that I dread to look at.

So yeah, basically I'm busy and happy BUT feel like I'm totally being held hostage by the lack of a passport/work permit. Was talking to Olga, Aonghus' girlfriend from Ukraine, at the pub last night and am now counting my blessings that at least I don't have to register with the police every time I change my address or job (!), but it still is really cramping my style.

Went to the Trinity Episcopalian Church on the Green's Holiday Bazaar for old times' sake. And now I really miss Grandma F. and am feeling kind of sad. It was a proper church bazaar (although they couldn't quite live up to Holy Trinity Anglican in my opinion) in the church basement with a tag sale and a bunch of really... interesting... crafts and a bake sale. They had a novel idea, though - a Christmas cookie bar where you could pick your cookie types out and buy by the pound. I would have been all over that as a kid. I also think Grandma would have liked the innovative new scissors-and-pincushion combo with cross-stitch on the top.

Anyway, I may have accidentally spent quite a lot of money on a stack of some of the less-interesting-looking ornaments... Hope it helps them out.

Oh, it was also the Yale-Harvard Game today. (Football, needless today). Town is rife with Yalies and Harvardians (?) stumbling all over the sidewalk and nearly getting run down by the New Haven traffic, which really doesn't care where you went to school. I also saw a live burro walking down the street. Going to have to assume it is related in some way...

Exciting!

Del's game is out, and it's FEATURE ON ITUNES! With a video! And guess who got to decide what went in the video... Mr Designer himself. So proud!

In other news, I may well be losing it... woke up this morning and the stove was turned slightly on (just the gas, not the flame). Pretty sure it was off the night before - not sure if I'm sleep-rambling again or what. Or did I leave it on and somehow not notice?! I will be so happy when this move to the sublet is over and one huge stressor is removed (leaving only the postdoc, the wedding, the visa, the marriage, the overseas move and the lack of a job come Feb). 

p.s.

Oh yeah, something else good happened today, though. I put my wood table up on Craigslist for super cheap ($10) and said it was solid but needed refinishing. The guy who bought it gets wood furniture from Craigslist or the side of the road, refinishes it, sells it and gives half to a charity that helps homeless veterans! How awesome is that... makes me so happy that 1). that table will get a new life instead of going in the bin, because I always wanted to refinish it but didn't have the talent, time or tools, and 2). that it will help the homeless at the same time! So glad that guy decided to respond to the ad.

Seriously?!

I could scream. Or stab someone. Just ran into the maintenance guy for my building who was having a smoke outside the dive bar next door with one of his colleagues who works high up in the letting agency. I told them the sad story of being forced to move two months early because they are forcing me to sign a long lease, and she said, "WHAT?! That's ridiculous - this time of year it's no harder to rent a place in February than December. Call me and I'll sort it out."

So yeah, great, except I already got the keys off the sublet and sold half my furniture on Craiglist (other half to go soon, I hope! Rock-bottom prices!) Unbelievable. I KNEW if I could just get ahold of the right person it would all be sorted out, but of course if nobody answers the phone it's hard to get the right person... gah.

Anyway, can't back out on the sublet now (super bad karma) so I guess I'm still moving. GRRRRRR.

In other news, met my second mentee today for coffee. They both really seem to appreciate my perspective, which is kind of fun since it's mostly ignored at work. Had a lovely chat about pros and cons and decisions and she said several times that it really helped her. (Trying to decide whether to half-heartedly do a Ph.D. or stay at Masters level and get a job in public health). So that was pleasant.

Birthday tomorrow. Stephanie from work has really stepped up since I am not capable of planning anything right now, and has arranged a three-part celebration: 1). get together and write research statements for job-applying (has to be done!) 2). pedicure and 3). Dinner at the amazing tapas place in New Haven. Cannot express how much I appreciate her doing all the heavy lifting for this and making a fuss over me for the day. She is amazing - hope we don't lose touch after the postdoc. A couple weeks ago we went to the Yale Cabaret (organized by her) which was also super fun - it was actors and foley artists doing old radio scripts from the '50s on-stage, complete with sound effects. Totally different and excellent fun.

Oh, and got my grant in. After much buffeting by the business office. UGH. The budget has finally passed muster and it has been submitted. Blah. Also called the mental health people for Yale and am gonna take my six free sessions of counselling, because I really don't think I'm managing so well right now.

Ugh. Not doing well again this week. I sort of wish I could do this wedding-planning thing like a normal person - i.e., NOT while trying to coordinate two moves (one overseas) and while waiting with bated breath to see if my visa will come through - and maybe with some family to go shopping with or something.

That said, I did get a confirmation that the visa paperwork arrived to Sheffield (everyone else who is NOT trying to get married gets to send theirs to NYC - heck, I probably could have dropped it off there, but noooooo) and then got an email early this week saying they needed some extra things from Del - apparently the six months of paystubs was not enough: they also needed BANK STATEMENTS showing the six months of salary arriving in his account! Anyway, luckily  that was easy enough. Pretty sure there was a page or Appendix somewhere online saying I should have sent that stuff in the first place. I just about drove myself crazy for two weeks trolling through that maze of a government website trying to make sure I had every single thing in order, and apparently still managed to miss something. (I literally did spend two weeks working on that thing, plus took a day off to go to NYC to get my fingerprints taken, and another five days nagging Del for things - and then at the last minute I discovered a sentence in tiny print indicating I had missed what turned out to be another giant Appendix to be filled out and attached, along with extra copies of various other documents!)

Getting the thing to Sheffield was a story in itself too. I took it to FedEx, where I discovered they required I go BACK to the office and print out my own shipping labels. FedEx office dude "kindly" made me an account though, to make it easier to print. So, went back to office (via home for a cup of tea and cake because this stuff is STRESSFUL - that's my passport in that package!) and tried logging into this account. No luck. Phoned New Haven FedEx guy, he couldn't help and made me phone the helpline. Helpline girl spent 45 MINUTES trying to figure out what went wrong before discovering original FedEx guy put some random address on the account (she wouldn't tell me WHAT address) and therefore nothing was matching my actual address so I couldn't log in. Still couldn't fix it though. And couldn't make a new one because my info was attached to the original screwy one.

In the end I gave up, paid $300 for expedited processing of the visa to make up for lost time, and tried again the next morning when the FedEx website miraculously worked. So then I had to truck the whole thing back up to Whitney Ave to the FedEx office because I wasn't going to leave my precious passport in a postbox. I did, however, inadvertently get Original FedEx Guy in big trouble with his boss (turns out they are not actually allowed to make customers accounts in-store - IN CASE THEY GET THE INFO WRONG! Go figure).

Anyway, at least the $300 seems to have worked. Sounds like the Sheffield office is on the case.

In other news, supervisor did not tell me you have to tell the Business Office WELL in advance every time you apply for a grant, so now the Business Office hates me. Grant due on Friday. They heard about it last Thursday, because that was when I heard about this rule.... yeah. Cue many, many shouty and/or snippy emails sent in my direction.

(We aren't mentioning the last grant I applied for, before I learned about this rule!)

What else... invitations draft is done, looking into printing options in various countries. Caterer is booked. Photographer is not. Dress is ordered off EBay- have my doubts, but it was mega-cheap for a giant silk dress, so everyone cross your fingers. All of this is moot if I can't get my visa. Applied for a job at Oxford on Monday only to find out that while the job ad had a deadline of Monday, the application website had a deadline of the previous Friday. Cue much frantic emailing of screenshots to the Oxford job-website people to convince them to let me upload my CV (everything else was done). Will they actually put my application through? Who knows?

Oh, and ran my first kiddo with coprolalia this week. That was entertaining. I had been working with TS kiddos for a year before I ran into a case, which is why it always annoys me/takes me aback when I see moronic jokes that imply TS just means swearing a lot. In reality, the incidence is about 8-10% of cases. No idea why public perception is so off, but I get weirdly upset about this issue. I think it's hanging out with so many people with TS and those related to them, including parents who are scared to mention the diagnosis to their families because of that bizarre coprolalia-related stigma. Not cool, man.

(Other interesting things about Tourettes: many cases resolve by age 18, probably as the brain's inhibitory control mechanisms develop; and it is the comorbid disorders like ADHD and OCD that are often associated with TS that cause the most trouble/problems with quality of life).

Anyway... yup, so pretty stressed out this week, not doing well with deadlines or executive function, and REALLY not able to make any more decisions or plans until I calm down. That said, still have to move across town at the end of December... somehow. Gah.

Stress Management (probably not recommended by therapists)

I have decided to leverage the power of social comparison to manage stress.

Therefore, I am alternately reading the blogs of a). people who appear to have the most boring lives imaginable and never really seem to DO anything (interestingly this does not stop them from writing about it anyway) and b). people who had something really terrible happen unexpectedly.

I even found one with both elements - a saccharine and cliche-filled few years of blogging from a young wife and mother, followed by a total crisis when her 31-year-old husband dropped dead unexpectedly. (Interestingly, her writing got much better after the latter event - it got right rid of all the cliches and the saccharine).

This has the result of putting my worries totally into perspective: it has the dual effect of reminding me that things might be stressful, but at least there are interesting things going on; and that I better enjoy it because actually overall things are pretty great and you never know what is coming down the road. Something terrible could happen at any moment, and has totally happened to lots of people, which really puts not being able to travel for Christmas (should my visa not come through in time) in perspective.

This is working great so far.

Other, more healthy ways to manage stress include social support (had a nice chat with Judith today), the gym and crocheting like a mad thing. Always very soothing. This will all work out somehow, presumably... and at least I'm doing things and nobody has discovered an undiagnosed heart problem!