I am so tired these days. It feels like I'm running a marathon (except without the health benefits). Spending all my time in the lab, but it ain't that productive... and when I do go out it's usually to sleep on Sandeep's couch while other people play board games. Now he and Christine are in Alberta for a few weeks, so no more social life... although Nicola does want to go to TO on the weekend, so I suppose there's that.
But yeah, super run down, man. My HPA axis has been overloaded by chronic stress for too long and it's bottoming out. (Would this be any easier if I didn't know exactly what my brain is up to?) At least the marking is out of the way for another week, and we managed to submit my Hot or Not paper (second chunk of my thesis) on Monday. To a journal with an 83% rejection rate (aim high!) so everyone please cross their fingers. Still, it's a good bit of work and it will get published somewhere.
Got two conference deadlines coming up and piles of data that may or may not hold anything useful. STRESSFUL! Yesterday was Guelph Neuroscience Day and I tried to do some data analysis after, but was just too exhausted. Public speaking/interacting with people burns me out. Talk went pretty well though. My entire thesis in an eight-minute talk! There were no questions: I think I stunned people into silence with the flood of information.
Steph called last night and ordered me to take two days off in a row. I don't think I've done that since.... probably my trip to Windsor/Detroit. (Which was awesome, BTW - saw MuteMath, who totally rocked, and convinced Sandeep to take us on a driving tour of the urban prairies. His risk-averseness kicked in and he wouldn't stop the car at ALL in Detroit, but it was still fascinating in a post-apocalypic kind of way). Anyway, that was months ago and maybe she's right. Easter coming up, I suppose. Sounds like a good reason.
Things going downhill at the dept. Definitely time to finish and move on... one of the girls who defended in the Fall says you hit a point when you don't even care about your defense any more because there is too much other stress. She said after that it's easy. So, given that I don't have a postdoc or job lined up, I should be right in line to hit that point very soon...
Showing posts with label thesis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thesis. Show all posts
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
Saturday, 24 March 2012
one step forward!
HANDED MY THESIS IN TO COMMITTEE, BABY! I am sure there will be revisions galore (my supervisor "has not carefully read through the entire thesis, but instead focused on hot spots"), but this is the step that gets everything moving re: paperwork and moving toward a date being set - as far as I can tell. Never mind that this three months later than I hoped... sorta expected that. At least I got there in the end. (And got permission to send it to committee... a good bit of that time has felt like it involved waiting for supervisor to have time to look at one thing or another).
Also got a paper sent out to a journal. Two things in one week... pretty much unprecedented!
Also got a paper sent out to a journal. Two things in one week... pretty much unprecedented!
Sunday, 23 October 2011
ADHD M.D.
Just got back from an awesome weekend with a friend from New Haven (who was in Toronto for a conference). We went to see Josh Ritter do a reading (yes, he's written a book!) went to dinner and went out to a place with ants on the walls. Great fun and it was awesome to see her.
Today we went for brunch with another friend who lives in the city, and we had the most interesting conversation about ADHD and getting things done. One of my friends is a psychiatrist and took a "tendency to ADHD" measure when she was working with kids - and came out in the "probably a problem" range. The other one has actually been diagnosed. I've never been assessed for it, but a lot of the things they were talking about sound veeeeeery familiar. I know I have to leave twice as much time as a normal person would take to write something, because I will write one sentence and then go off and check email or make some tea or something. (I have ducked out at least six times while writing this paragraph). Not the most efficient, but on the other hand I allow for it and things still get done - eventually.
The thing is, the other two do exactly the same thing. It was really comforting to hear that I am not the only one who does this, although it is kind of depressing to think about how much time and brainpower are being wasted on workarounds to get us to the same point someone who can focus for more than two seconds is already at.
That said, all three of us have been relatively successful despite the fact that we can't focus for more than two freaking minutes. I wonder how many other people are in this boat (I know not everyone is: I have watched Helena sit down and write - actually write, not hopping around to 20 other things! - for 45 minutes at a time and get a paper out in a week or so). I also wonder how much I could accomplish if I could just figure out how to focus - and how much time I've spent developing workarounds. Anyway, I thought this was really interesting. (For the record, other things I do are keeping a list of stuff that needs to get done and trying to match my energy level with an appropriate item, otherwise there is no hope; and giving in to my slightly bipolar work habits and, when I have a totally unproductive week like last week, sometimes just take time off rather than trying to push through. I usually find that after going away for a while I can bounce back and have a much more productive week the next week).
Anyway, in other news my life is pretty boring. Back living at the same place in Guelph (cheap rent!) and doing pretty much nothing except work. This weekend was the first time I went to the city, and the second time I went out, since I returned to Ontario. I've been laying pretty low on the weekends and trying not to spend money. My goal is to have a thesis draft by December, and so far I've got two experimental chapters and most of the intro written plus another half-chapter (experimental). I think I'll probably end up with about 3-4 experimental chapters plus an intro and discussion - the intro is usually pretty extensive, though, so getting most of that out of the way is a big deal. I'm also running a couple more experiments, supervising a couple of students and starting up some new things, as well as TAing (always TAing). It's SO much more chill than this time last year, though. That was insane. This is a lot of hard work, but a lot less intense than last year.
Today we went for brunch with another friend who lives in the city, and we had the most interesting conversation about ADHD and getting things done. One of my friends is a psychiatrist and took a "tendency to ADHD" measure when she was working with kids - and came out in the "probably a problem" range. The other one has actually been diagnosed. I've never been assessed for it, but a lot of the things they were talking about sound veeeeeery familiar. I know I have to leave twice as much time as a normal person would take to write something, because I will write one sentence and then go off and check email or make some tea or something. (I have ducked out at least six times while writing this paragraph). Not the most efficient, but on the other hand I allow for it and things still get done - eventually.
The thing is, the other two do exactly the same thing. It was really comforting to hear that I am not the only one who does this, although it is kind of depressing to think about how much time and brainpower are being wasted on workarounds to get us to the same point someone who can focus for more than two seconds is already at.
That said, all three of us have been relatively successful despite the fact that we can't focus for more than two freaking minutes. I wonder how many other people are in this boat (I know not everyone is: I have watched Helena sit down and write - actually write, not hopping around to 20 other things! - for 45 minutes at a time and get a paper out in a week or so). I also wonder how much I could accomplish if I could just figure out how to focus - and how much time I've spent developing workarounds. Anyway, I thought this was really interesting. (For the record, other things I do are keeping a list of stuff that needs to get done and trying to match my energy level with an appropriate item, otherwise there is no hope; and giving in to my slightly bipolar work habits and, when I have a totally unproductive week like last week, sometimes just take time off rather than trying to push through. I usually find that after going away for a while I can bounce back and have a much more productive week the next week).
Anyway, in other news my life is pretty boring. Back living at the same place in Guelph (cheap rent!) and doing pretty much nothing except work. This weekend was the first time I went to the city, and the second time I went out, since I returned to Ontario. I've been laying pretty low on the weekends and trying not to spend money. My goal is to have a thesis draft by December, and so far I've got two experimental chapters and most of the intro written plus another half-chapter (experimental). I think I'll probably end up with about 3-4 experimental chapters plus an intro and discussion - the intro is usually pretty extensive, though, so getting most of that out of the way is a big deal. I'm also running a couple more experiments, supervising a couple of students and starting up some new things, as well as TAing (always TAing). It's SO much more chill than this time last year, though. That was insane. This is a lot of hard work, but a lot less intense than last year.
Monday, 3 November 2008
Money worries
I got paid!!!!!!
Sorry, but I am excited. It has been a LONG year of not being entirely sure where the rent is coming from. The problem is that the university's casual payment system requires that you submit your timesheet by the 15th of the month, meaning you only ever get half that month's pay by the end of it. As rent is due on the first of the month regardless, this is a pain. In August I actually had to request an "emergency cheque" be issued. However, this month I got my October pay and the second half of September as well, and am very excited to have money left over. Having the Kiwi around is helping too - very nice to have a housemate who consistently pays rent (and if he notices I'm worried about money towards the end of the month, he always pays early, which is a huge blessing).
In other good news, I just got the unofficial word that I did "very well" on my thesis. Official marks are not released till March (!) but I am very very happy to hear I did well. 'Twas a lot of work. So here's official thanks to Steph, Del, Claire and the Kiwi for their help with editing/data analysis! Think it made a huge difference to the end result.
Back into the fMRI scanner this afternoon to run one more subject, but the bigwigs for this project were up from London last week and so the worst of the stress (on my part) is now over. Spent the day with a film crew following me around! That was a new one and will probably never happen again. Jordan I ain't. Was very weird having boom mikes hovering above me and giant bright lights shining in my face as I ran subjects. However, the film crew was lovely and easy to get on with, and I learned some interesting things about their jobs (plus they let me ramble on about what I will be doing for my PhD!) So in the end, despite the worry, it was quite a fun day and all went relatively well. (And by relatively well, I mean the program for the scanner didn't crash until AFTER the bigwigs had left - although the film crew was still looking over our shoulders!)
Sorry, but I am excited. It has been a LONG year of not being entirely sure where the rent is coming from. The problem is that the university's casual payment system requires that you submit your timesheet by the 15th of the month, meaning you only ever get half that month's pay by the end of it. As rent is due on the first of the month regardless, this is a pain. In August I actually had to request an "emergency cheque" be issued. However, this month I got my October pay and the second half of September as well, and am very excited to have money left over. Having the Kiwi around is helping too - very nice to have a housemate who consistently pays rent (and if he notices I'm worried about money towards the end of the month, he always pays early, which is a huge blessing).
In other good news, I just got the unofficial word that I did "very well" on my thesis. Official marks are not released till March (!) but I am very very happy to hear I did well. 'Twas a lot of work. So here's official thanks to Steph, Del, Claire and the Kiwi for their help with editing/data analysis! Think it made a huge difference to the end result.
Back into the fMRI scanner this afternoon to run one more subject, but the bigwigs for this project were up from London last week and so the worst of the stress (on my part) is now over. Spent the day with a film crew following me around! That was a new one and will probably never happen again. Jordan I ain't. Was very weird having boom mikes hovering above me and giant bright lights shining in my face as I ran subjects. However, the film crew was lovely and easy to get on with, and I learned some interesting things about their jobs (plus they let me ramble on about what I will be doing for my PhD!) So in the end, despite the worry, it was quite a fun day and all went relatively well. (And by relatively well, I mean the program for the scanner didn't crash until AFTER the bigwigs had left - although the film crew was still looking over our shoulders!)
Friday, 3 October 2008
Happy Friday Song
I'm printing off my thesis, la la la!
Never mind that it's currently 10.37pm and I'm still in my office... Tis all worth it to see that giant pile o' paper coming out of the printer. To be totally accurate, I'm only 93.3% done my thesis as I have to go back and finish filling in a bit of my Results - three pages worth. I just need the Degrees of Freedom (don't have the stats package on this computer to see them in order to shove them into the thesis), so it's pretty much done. I'm printing the rest and shall sort out the last three pages tomorrow or Sunday. Then it's off to the bindery and I will have it in a mere five days into my extension! (Which I still haven't heard about, but no one has told me I'm not getting my degree so I have to assume they've granted it).
Wow, am feeling a bit manic. I have to say, extensions are the way to go, as I had my thesis 90% done by the official due date and got to spend the last three or four days touching it up, playing with graphs, and fiddling with all the stuff I don't normally have time to do. I can see how it would be nice to be one of those prepared people who always has assignments done early. Ah well. It ain't gonna happen, so I will enjoy the feeling just this once.
Never mind that it's currently 10.37pm and I'm still in my office... Tis all worth it to see that giant pile o' paper coming out of the printer. To be totally accurate, I'm only 93.3% done my thesis as I have to go back and finish filling in a bit of my Results - three pages worth. I just need the Degrees of Freedom (don't have the stats package on this computer to see them in order to shove them into the thesis), so it's pretty much done. I'm printing the rest and shall sort out the last three pages tomorrow or Sunday. Then it's off to the bindery and I will have it in a mere five days into my extension! (Which I still haven't heard about, but no one has told me I'm not getting my degree so I have to assume they've granted it).
Wow, am feeling a bit manic. I have to say, extensions are the way to go, as I had my thesis 90% done by the official due date and got to spend the last three or four days touching it up, playing with graphs, and fiddling with all the stuff I don't normally have time to do. I can see how it would be nice to be one of those prepared people who always has assignments done early. Ah well. It ain't gonna happen, so I will enjoy the feeling just this once.
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
quick update
Got my thesis extension (I think... no one officially said, but also no one has shouted at me for not handing it in) in return for all the hours I put in as a research assistant in September. I ended up working more than my visa says I'm allowed to, but with any luck no one is really checking... besides, surely if it averages out over the course of the month it's fine. This project really is a LOT of work. Scanning participants in the fMRI scanner takes about three hours per participant, but getting the stimuli ready, recruiting participants, getting the money to pay them from Finances etc take about another two or three hours per. (And I swear I should get extra for the stress I go through when they don't turn up!)
Today is my first official day as a full-time University employee. However, until I get rid of this silly thesis I'm also still a student. Hoping to have it in by the end of the week. Bit harder while working full-time, but people manage it so will sort something out. I've been catching up on stuff to do with the fMRI experiment but also helping Helena, who is attempting to hand in her PhD thesis. She's managed to do her PhD in three years AND sort out a post-doc at Yale. (Helena is an overachiever). However, the stress is driving her mad so it's been my job to be a Solid and Reassuring Presence and help collate references and things to try and get this thing done and handed in. Getting a thesis in is a whole-lab effort, generally speaking. Thank heavens for supportive labs.
Fencing has started up again and I am very excited. Have fenced twice and only lost one bout that entire time - and yesterday's wins were in foil! Apparently the giant leap forward I made at the end of last year is sticking around. I am so pleased. Watching the newbies gingerly hold the swords is very funny - can't believe I was there not very long ago. This year has felt like about six in terms of cramming in experiences.
oh well, off to finish cleaning out the testing room and find some food...
Today is my first official day as a full-time University employee. However, until I get rid of this silly thesis I'm also still a student. Hoping to have it in by the end of the week. Bit harder while working full-time, but people manage it so will sort something out. I've been catching up on stuff to do with the fMRI experiment but also helping Helena, who is attempting to hand in her PhD thesis. She's managed to do her PhD in three years AND sort out a post-doc at Yale. (Helena is an overachiever). However, the stress is driving her mad so it's been my job to be a Solid and Reassuring Presence and help collate references and things to try and get this thing done and handed in. Getting a thesis in is a whole-lab effort, generally speaking. Thank heavens for supportive labs.
Fencing has started up again and I am very excited. Have fenced twice and only lost one bout that entire time - and yesterday's wins were in foil! Apparently the giant leap forward I made at the end of last year is sticking around. I am so pleased. Watching the newbies gingerly hold the swords is very funny - can't believe I was there not very long ago. This year has felt like about six in terms of cramming in experiences.
oh well, off to finish cleaning out the testing room and find some food...
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
weird analogy
I sometimes feel like my life is a wave. I'm not really living it, just sort of riding it. Most of the time I can more or less keep on top of it, and sometimes it all comes crashing down on my head. And then there are weeks like this, where I feel like I'm surfing the very edge of it and barely holding on - scary, but also exhilerating. One false move and I'm in big trouble, but look how high up I am!
Specifically, my thesis is due in a few weeks, I have a giant scanning project that is supposed to go next week for which I don't really have participants lined up, and I just spoke to my future PhD supervisor about applying for an NSERC grant (which not only requires filling out a huge form and writing a research proposal, but will also be the first he sees of my writing - so it's gotta be good).
As well, I just got back from a weekend in Inveraray at a festival, and before that it was Liverpool for the weekend. I also am going to try to get to Oxford for a birthday party in September and want to make it down to London in October as my aunt Judith will be visiting. This is the stuff that makes life worth living - but it's hard to cram it all in around thesis and the work and all my other projects.
However, I can certainly not say that I am bored.
Full reports (with pictures, maybe) on Liverpool and the Connect festival when I am not in quite so perilous a position on the wave...
ps. Just to make things more entertaining, I just got a new housemate (verdict so far: lovely). I got home from 10 hours travel back from Scotland and he made me dinner, so I went to grab a drink from the tap. That was when I saw that he had helpfully left a note above the sink, warning me that Bangor's infected with cryptosporidium. We're on a boil-water advisory for the moment. Good times! ... but suddenly extremely happy I have a housemate to warn me of these things, as otherwise I'd probably be racked with horrible diarrhea by now.
Specifically, my thesis is due in a few weeks, I have a giant scanning project that is supposed to go next week for which I don't really have participants lined up, and I just spoke to my future PhD supervisor about applying for an NSERC grant (which not only requires filling out a huge form and writing a research proposal, but will also be the first he sees of my writing - so it's gotta be good).
As well, I just got back from a weekend in Inveraray at a festival, and before that it was Liverpool for the weekend. I also am going to try to get to Oxford for a birthday party in September and want to make it down to London in October as my aunt Judith will be visiting. This is the stuff that makes life worth living - but it's hard to cram it all in around thesis and the work and all my other projects.
However, I can certainly not say that I am bored.
Full reports (with pictures, maybe) on Liverpool and the Connect festival when I am not in quite so perilous a position on the wave...
ps. Just to make things more entertaining, I just got a new housemate (verdict so far: lovely). I got home from 10 hours travel back from Scotland and he made me dinner, so I went to grab a drink from the tap. That was when I saw that he had helpfully left a note above the sink, warning me that Bangor's infected with cryptosporidium. We're on a boil-water advisory for the moment. Good times! ... but suddenly extremely happy I have a housemate to warn me of these things, as otherwise I'd probably be racked with horrible diarrhea by now.
Sunday, 17 August 2008
It was the best of Bangor, it was the worst of Bangor
Whoa-ho, man, what a good night last night. I did not intend to go out at all because 1). Bangor is boring in the summer; 2). I'm trying to save money, and 3). it's the Contact the Elderly coffee group today (albeit not till 2.30 pm). But events conspired for a fun, cheap night with the other (non-octogenarian) people who will be attending the coffee group today, so who was I to say no?
I never realized just how cliquey our Masters students were this year. Somehow I managed to get myself smack dab into the middle of the biggest one, so of course I wouldn't have noticed. But last night Jo brought along some Irish girls off the course that I barely knew, and they told me that they always felt like the outgroup. Apparently one person in particular deliberately excluded them from things at the beginning of the year and then they felt like they couldn't approach anyone else. oooooops. Had I known this they would have been welcome at my place anytime (as they're fun and hilarious). However, will have to make up for lost time in this, the last month.
Anyway, they came over and told of a party at the Anglican chaplaincy (which is effectively a giant student residence, mostly for foreign or short-term students). We wandered along around midnight, which seemed perfectly reasonable to us. Called the girl who invited us, and she was in bed. oops. So I was designated to go find out if the party was worthwhile, or, in fact, happening at all. I was lurking around the giant oak door (the building is a huge stone couple-hundred-years-old one) and a guy came out, so I tried to push past him in my best party-crashing manner. Unfortunately security is drilled into them there, but once I produced the name of the girl who invited us he took me through a maze of passages to the "party". Which turned out to be 10 people sitting around and two people dancing salsa. I saw an open door to the garden and made a run for it.
Bangor is ridiculous in the summer and no bouncer will let you in ANYWHERE past 12.30 a.m. Anywhere except the Skerries, that is. The Skerries is a pub in Lower Bangor that is sort of of a locals pub (pubs here are divided into student pubs and locals pubs) except that they don't mind students. Rare, actually. Anyway, the Skerries stays open till the owner feels like shutting it. I've turned up at 11 and found it closed, and other times they've let me in at 1.30 a.m. This time they let us in no problem, and there turned out to be a local Welsh Beatles cover band (!) who were really, really good. After a while they started to pack up and the Irish girls were banging on the table for more, so they began to sing gorgeous a cappella versions of various '50s and Oasis songs (they were eclectic!) The harmonizing was incredible, and of course we were all singing along in full voice. By this point we were locked-in (but they were still serving!) and, as the Irish girls are really pretty, one of the band guys got out his guitar again and we all sat around a table in the back of the pub and jammed for another hour. Then we hung around talking to the owner and his friends (and I briefly learned the apparently common Welsh phrase for "a$%hole English people" but then immediately forgot it) until they finally kicked us out at 2.30 a.m. or so. It was the best night I've had in a while. The student venues all feel the same after a bit, but I don't think I've ever had a bad night at the Skerries. And last night sort of encapsulated the very best things about Bangor.
The worst thing about Bangor is that it won't stop raining. WON'T STOP. Argh. Luckily (?) I've been stuck in the lab all week anyway. I'm working as a research assistant for a project that is taking up a lot of time (29 hours last week), plus, erm, trying to finish up a thesis at some point. I was floundering with my data analysis (while my supervisor was in France for three weeks and out of email contact) and then had a bad moment when she returned and told me everything I had done up until that point was wrong. I was too depressed to even look at the thing for a week, as I had just re-written my introduction based on my preliminary results - so if they were wrong, those three weeks of work would have been for naught. Then she called me back in the next week, said she had been mistaken and the data were fine, and went through everything in detail with me so I now know exactly what to do. Which is brilliant news, of course, but I am still catching my breath from the rollercoaster!
So have been in the lab on weekdays, mostly, and doing fun stuff on weekends... but THAT is fodder for another post.
I never realized just how cliquey our Masters students were this year. Somehow I managed to get myself smack dab into the middle of the biggest one, so of course I wouldn't have noticed. But last night Jo brought along some Irish girls off the course that I barely knew, and they told me that they always felt like the outgroup. Apparently one person in particular deliberately excluded them from things at the beginning of the year and then they felt like they couldn't approach anyone else. oooooops. Had I known this they would have been welcome at my place anytime (as they're fun and hilarious). However, will have to make up for lost time in this, the last month.
Anyway, they came over and told of a party at the Anglican chaplaincy (which is effectively a giant student residence, mostly for foreign or short-term students). We wandered along around midnight, which seemed perfectly reasonable to us. Called the girl who invited us, and she was in bed. oops. So I was designated to go find out if the party was worthwhile, or, in fact, happening at all. I was lurking around the giant oak door (the building is a huge stone couple-hundred-years-old one) and a guy came out, so I tried to push past him in my best party-crashing manner. Unfortunately security is drilled into them there, but once I produced the name of the girl who invited us he took me through a maze of passages to the "party". Which turned out to be 10 people sitting around and two people dancing salsa. I saw an open door to the garden and made a run for it.
Bangor is ridiculous in the summer and no bouncer will let you in ANYWHERE past 12.30 a.m. Anywhere except the Skerries, that is. The Skerries is a pub in Lower Bangor that is sort of of a locals pub (pubs here are divided into student pubs and locals pubs) except that they don't mind students. Rare, actually. Anyway, the Skerries stays open till the owner feels like shutting it. I've turned up at 11 and found it closed, and other times they've let me in at 1.30 a.m. This time they let us in no problem, and there turned out to be a local Welsh Beatles cover band (!) who were really, really good. After a while they started to pack up and the Irish girls were banging on the table for more, so they began to sing gorgeous a cappella versions of various '50s and Oasis songs (they were eclectic!) The harmonizing was incredible, and of course we were all singing along in full voice. By this point we were locked-in (but they were still serving!) and, as the Irish girls are really pretty, one of the band guys got out his guitar again and we all sat around a table in the back of the pub and jammed for another hour. Then we hung around talking to the owner and his friends (and I briefly learned the apparently common Welsh phrase for "a$%hole English people" but then immediately forgot it) until they finally kicked us out at 2.30 a.m. or so. It was the best night I've had in a while. The student venues all feel the same after a bit, but I don't think I've ever had a bad night at the Skerries. And last night sort of encapsulated the very best things about Bangor.
The worst thing about Bangor is that it won't stop raining. WON'T STOP. Argh. Luckily (?) I've been stuck in the lab all week anyway. I'm working as a research assistant for a project that is taking up a lot of time (29 hours last week), plus, erm, trying to finish up a thesis at some point. I was floundering with my data analysis (while my supervisor was in France for three weeks and out of email contact) and then had a bad moment when she returned and told me everything I had done up until that point was wrong. I was too depressed to even look at the thing for a week, as I had just re-written my introduction based on my preliminary results - so if they were wrong, those three weeks of work would have been for naught. Then she called me back in the next week, said she had been mistaken and the data were fine, and went through everything in detail with me so I now know exactly what to do. Which is brilliant news, of course, but I am still catching my breath from the rollercoaster!
So have been in the lab on weekdays, mostly, and doing fun stuff on weekends... but THAT is fodder for another post.
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